Super Fast Food.

Posted on: May 24th, 2017 by Wicked Uncle No Comments

 

 The Flying Pizza - The Fastest Food Ever

Anybody can throw a frisbee, but nobody can throw a pizza. So we combined the two and got a Pizza Airdisc Frisbee.

They won't let you into the World Championships with it, but you will get enormous street cred in your local park, because who else has a Pizza motif on their airdisc ?

Not only is it stylish, chic and hugely attractive, but it also flies brilliantly. It is a little bit more rigid than a standard frisbee and it weighs 175g, the same as the official world series discs.You can chuck it in a straight line and it covers a good distance. The world record is currently 406 metres. Though you might have to practice a bit to get that sort of result.....

Since it is summertime and everybody should be outside chucking things, you need to grab one quick before Pizza Express buy our entire stock.

Quick test for you: which of these pictures is the real pizza ?*

Next week, pizza themed cricket balls.

Happy Discing,

The Wicked Uncle Flying through the Air Team

Ps  And now for some flying jokes:

Q: What do you call a flying primate? A: A hot air baboon!
Q: What do you get when you cross an airplane with a magician? A: a flying sorcerer.

"Man who runs through air port turnstile, backwards, going Bangkok".

Two wrongs don't make a right but two wrights make an airplane.
Why do the seats on airliners double as floating devices when they should double as parachutes?

My biggest wish is to be an airplane pilot, because at random points during the flight I would go on the intercom and just scream.

After the first takeoff of the fully automatic airplane, the passengers heard the soothing, reassuring voice of the pilot: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your automatic pilot. In my modern and carefully tested system an error is absolutely impossible, absolutely impossible, absolutely impossible, ..."

A pilot and a co-pilot were descending for a landing at an airport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out the windshield, and suddenly exclaimed to the co-pilot: "Holy cow! Look how short the runway is! I've never seen one that short!"

The co-pilot looked out the windshield. "Wow! you're right! That's incredible! Are you sure we can make it?"
"Well we better, we're almost out of fuel."

So the captain got on the intercom, and notified the passengers to put their heads between their knees, and prepare for an emergency landing. Then he set the flaps to full down, and slowed the plane to just over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came screaming in, on the ragged edge of control. The pilot's hands were sweating, the co-pilot was praying.

They touched down, and came screeching to a halt just before the edge of the runway, the tires smoking.

"WHEW! That was CLOSE!" yelled the captain. "That runway was SHORT!"
"Yeah!" said the co-pilot, "and WIDE too!"

*Neither, they are both ours, but it is a trick shot. You are unlikely to eat it by mistake.

Wicked One Liners

Posted on: May 22nd, 2017 by Wicked Uncle No Comments

 

We love to laugh at Wicked Uncle HQ. We post a weekly joke on our Instagram feed, and we even have our very own Joke Factory - enter at your own risk; contains serious LOLs. But every now and then, the elves enjoy rounding up some of the most humorous one liners EVER, just so you can steal them, pass them off as your own original work and appear really clever and witty to your friends. You're welcome.

Here are ten of our current favourites:

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.

I don’t want to brag, but I do speak a little Latin. I’m not fluent, but I’m sure 
if I ever went there, I could get by.

So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.

There’s no “I” in denial.

The worst time to have a heart 
attack is during a game of charades.

My Dad always said "fight fire with fire", which is why he got thrown out of the fire brigade. 

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it. 

Politics is just show business, for ugly people. 

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.

I’m very good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.  I don’t know why.

We're 99.9 % sure you smiled at least once. If you think you have a better one liner, why not Tweet us?

Here's a longer joke to finish.

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local rail company and is told to meet the Inspector at the signal box.
The Inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: "What would you do if you realised that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"
Tom says: "I would switch one train to another track."
"What if the lever broke?" asks the Inspector.
"Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there," answers Tom.
"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the Inspector.
"Then," Tom continued, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."
"What if the phone was busy?"
"In that case," Tom argued, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station."
"What if that had been vandalised?"
"Oh well," said Tom, "in that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo.
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked "Why would you do that?"
"Because he's never seen a train crash.